Children process grief and death differently depending on their age and developmental stage. Understanding these differences can help you provide age-appropriate support and comfort.
Infants and Toddlers (0–2 years)
Understanding: They don’t understand death, but they sense the absence of a familiar person and react to changes in routine and emotional tone.
Grief Expression: Increased fussiness, sleep disturbances, clinginess, or changes in appetite.
How to Help: Maintain consistent routines, provide comfort through touch and soothing words, and offer extra reassurance.
Preschoolers (3–5 years)
Understanding: Death may be seen as temporary or reversible, similar to sleep or a trip. They may believe the person can come back.
Grief Expression: Asking repetitive questions about the deceased, acting out, regressing in behavior (e.g., bedwetting, thumb-sucking).
How to Help: Use clear and simple language like “Grandpa’s body stopped working, and he won’t be coming back.” Reassure them that they are safe and loved.
School-Age Children (6–12 years)
Understanding: Begin to understand that death is final and affects everyone. They may have questions about how and why it happened.
Grief Expression: Anger, guilt, withdrawal, trouble concentrating at school, physical complaints (e.g., headaches, stomachaches).
How to Help: Answer questions honestly, allow them to express their feelings, and encourage creative outlets like drawing or writing.
Teenagers (13–18 years)
Understanding: Fully understand that death is permanent and inevitable. May struggle with the emotional and existential impact of loss.
Grief Expression: Mood swings, withdrawal, increased risk-taking behavior, questioning beliefs about life and death.
How to Help: Encourage open conversations, respect their need for privacy, and provide access to peer support or grief counseling if needed.
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